bitterness consumes, prayer heals.

bitterness is a terrible thing.
i can't tell you how many times i've heard someone say,
"bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die."
well....
it's true.
i hate being bitter with people. it's just not right,
and it's not healthy, and it does me no good, unfortunately.

i've found that there is a cure for bitterness, however.
that's right, there is hope that we may be free from the bondage of bitterness and may forgive those we don't necessarily like for doing wrong to us.
you want to know what it is?


pray for them.


if you're anything like me, you've heard this approximately a thousand times in your life, but have never tried it, because.... well, let's be honest, we kind've enjoy having a reason to hate someone and a reason to be angry.
but when you pray for someone, it's impossible to hate them. you still might not reach the point of forgiveness in that instant that you pray, but hey, you're at least better off than when you started.

now i'm not talking about praying stuff like, "God please let them know that they are wrong, and help me deal with all of this, and heal me, and help me, and convict them, God, and help them to turn from their wickedness and sin..."
you get the point.
i'm talking about praying something like, "God bless this person, and protect them, and comfort them, and God the only reason i need healing is so that i may love them like you do. forgive them, God, fill their life with joy and peace, and goodness, God."
yeah. that gets the point across alot better.

so with all of that being said. if there's anyone out there reading this, i leave you with a verse that inspires this blog.
matthew 5:43-48 says,
" ' You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.' "

LOVE!

"His presence, His love is so thick and tangible...
and there are some who have not encountered the love of God. and God wants to encounter you and wants you to feel His amazing love. without the love of God these are just instruments, these are just songs. it's like we're just making noise. and we're never the same when we encounter the love of God. we're never the same. and if you haven't encountered the love of God -- and you would know, because you would never be the same again. if you want to encounter the love of God, you better just brace yourself, because He's coming...
God, may every heart be opened to you and a love encounter from you.
He loves us.
Oh how he loves us."

those words speak so deeply from "how He loves" by kim walker that i'm not going to say anything more. just let the words sink into your heart and the love of God overwhelm you like a sweet aroma.

Zephaniah 3:17.

the story.

hey.
hey!
:)
friendship.
hugs.
talking.
laughing.
investing.
authentic.
sharing.
struggling.
praying.
helping.
encouraging.
more?
confusing.
shrugging.
continuing.
still confusing.
falling.
running.
leaping.
liking.
talking..more.
closely knit.
strong friendship.
more?
fighting.
fighting.
fighting.
more struggling.
giving in.
letting go.
smooth sailing.
growing.
closer.
more?
slight struggle.
admitting.. more.
hugs.
touch.
language.
proclaiming.
sharing.
exciting.
happy.
joyful.
butterflies.
smiles... more.
thankful.
meaningful.
blessed.
iloveyou.
determined.
tense.
worried.
anxious.
devastated.
painful.
heart-wrenching.
broken heart.
uneven.
edge of tears.
no tears to cry.
crying on the inside.
sickening.
hurt.
depression.
anger.
mostly hurt.
upset.
disappointed.
naiive.
trusting.
letting go... again.
praying.
praying.
praying.
content... not quite.
working.
striving.
fighting.
fighting.
fighting.
sad.
bitter.
sick.
pain.
hurt.
anxious.
hopeful.
believing.
trusting.
faith.
content.


more?....


"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." romans 8:28

"this world has nothing for me,
and this world has everything.
all i could want, and nothing i need."


merry christmas.

living for today.

blissfull......

how do i describe it?
i've never been happier, or more content for that matter,
in my life...

the future...
for once, it can wait.. and it wouldn't bother me.
because here. now. this is where i am.
this is where i want to be.

yesterday is gone, tomorrow is coming,
but, today is here.
and i am soaking up every second of it..

lately i've been learning, you never know what you have until it's gone,
and you only have today to tell those who mean the most to you how much you love them.
if you let the opportunity slip by.....

it's gone.
and you can never get back that wasted time.

but not just with people.
with God, our Savior, as well.

i am so bad about putting God on the bottom of the list, on the backburner.
i think it happens to all of us. we get too caught up in life to just....
be. and breathe, with God.
and so, this is my prayer for today.

"Lord, i give you my heart.
i give you my soul.
i live for you alone.
every breath that i take,
every moment i'm awake,
Lord, have your way in me."

"this world has nothing for me,
and this world has everything.
all i could want, but nothing i need."

amor.

"so maybe it's true, that i can't live without you.
and maybe two is better than one...
and you've already got me coming undone." -"two is better than one" by boys like girls


are we seriously believing this stuff?
who are we kidding?

"i can't live without you."
i don't really have a good word that's not too harsh, so -- fiddlesticks.

maybe that's true for you, but not for me.
i may put Him on the backburner at times,
but God is the only one i can't live without. and i mean that completely literally.
because without His grace and salvation, i would spend life after death in hell, completely separated from Him.

and you're telling me that really it's some guy that i can't live without?
i don't think so.
yeah, i'll get married someday, and obviously he'll be very important to me,
but i could live and survive without him.

maybe i don't know what i'm talking about.
i mean, after all, i'm not married.. i haven't ever been broken up with.. i haven't lost someone like that who's that special in my life.

but i kind've don't care. i think it's important for others at least to know the truth, and what i'm learning right now: if we had no one to call a friend or family member on the planet, God would be enough.
at least, He SHOULD be enough. that's our struggle.
yes, our struggle.
just because i can recognize that a relationship won't ever be significant enough to be something i can't live without, doesn't mean that i don't care what others think or just enjoy life without trying to "get in good" with people.
we like to be accepted. it's part of our human nature.
so that's what i do. i pay too much attention to people, and their petty ways,
instead of focusing on what God has to say and what He thinks about me.

that's what we shouldn't be able to live without.
not a "significant other" or what we know as love.
and i'm just as guilty as anyone else in believing the lie.

God's love and healing.

isn't it funny how people come and go?
one day, you can have a person who is your VERY best friend. i'm talking like B.F.F's. and then the next they move on and you are all alone.. or so you think.
so you go on this search for a new best friend? why do we even do that?
WHY? because we need people in our lives. but why does it have to be so hard?
people come and go.
so then you find your new best friend, but something goes wrong there. so you gotta start all over again. only this time, you never "find" another one. and at first, you feel like the lonliest person on the planet. we're talking ultimate depression here. why does this happen to me, God? is it too much to ask for a close friend to have?
but you try to adjust. you go from friend to friend, trying to find the one who you just click with, you know what i'm talking about? the one that you could say anything, anything at all, and they would totally get you, they wouldn't judge you; if you needed to vent, they would listen, if you wanted advice, they'd give it to you, etc. etc.
but alas, you can't find this person. so life itself seems to be over for you. sure, life goes on, but it doesn't mean much because when something happens, you don't have this person to go talk to, and do everything together with.
so you keep looking. and you try your hardest. you might say things a little differently, just so you can finally find this person to be the "one."
people come and go.
so then you start to just have multiple friends. and you think to yourself, there's no way this will work. i like having lots of friends, but without that one closest friend, how can i keep all the other ones straight?
but you try.
you try your hardest, but it's not working.
now here's the good part. are you paying attention?
God comes. He does something big. He brings lots of new, special people into your life. no, i'm not talking about that "special someone," i'm just talking about friends worthy to have your loyalty. He gives you all these blessings you don't deserve, all these friends that start to leave the thumbprints of God all over you. and you know what? you like that.
so you get used to having lots of friends, because you know what the important thing is?
God is your number one friend. you're realizing now that these people are going to come and go. because after all people do that, you know. but now you have newfound hope. what's the difference, you might say?
GOD.
God moved you in a radical way. and now instead of thinking me, me, me, you're thinking GOD, GOD, GOD. instead of wanting to fit your "needs" by finding a new best friend, you just want to reach others with the good news of Jesus Christ and that He is the best friend you will ever have.
now don't get me wrong here, you see those pictures of you and your best friend from a couple years ago and go, wow, i miss that. but when you remember God's love and how big it is, it fills up the hole in your heart, little by little. and we can only hope that one day, that hole will not just be filled, but will be overflowing so that you may share His love with others.

in case you didn't figure it out, this is my story. and the last part is one of the most important. the whole reason i would share this story is so that anyone who reads this would catch a glimpse of God's love and the healing that only He can do. God loves you no matter where you are, what you've done, what you're going through. and whether you've lost a best friend, or are going through something much more heartwrenching, i promise:

He can heal you.

the music inside of me.

i wrote this poem/song without words a little while back but hadn't finished it. i finally found it again and somehow finished it within about 30 seconds.. go figure. a lot of it is still true, although there are a couple pieces that are a little different, but i figured i'd leave it as is. here it goes.

There is music inside of me,
Sweet, sweet music…
The music fills my soul,
Fills it to the top.

I’m so full, but I can’t let it out.
The pain and sorrow covers it over.
Dear God, rescue my soul
And release this sweet music.

This music is not my own,
It comes from my God.
He holds me tight so I know
That I am not alone.

God, I keep running, running hard.
I want this music to overflow…
How can I express in words
What only my music can say?

There is music in my soul.
It is sweet, bright,
It is sorrowful, painful.
But how could you know?

God, will I be forever stuck
Singing someone else’s song?